(Anti-) Social Media

Yesterday I went off Facebook.  And what did I do?  Finished (except for mugs, music, and movies) putting away Christmas.  Finally.  And my snowmen (which is what I put out when I take Christmas stuff down, because the house is too empty with NOTHING there).  Stacked the boxes downstairs.  Moved nativities to the empty spot on the mantle, rearranged them til I got them how I like them.  Emptied another box in the room from hades craft room/library.  Handled a phone call or two.  Visited with someone for an hour (SOCIAL non-media).  Shopped (didn't buy anything, just shopped).  Put gas in the car ('cause I don't live in Jersey anymore).  Napped.  Did another 20 rows on a baby blanket I've been working on (which leaves me with16 rows and some trim stitching, before I do the next blanket).  Finished a book I've been reading (Jen Hatmaker's 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess) and started another book (Chris Seay's A place at the Table:  40 Days of Solidarity with the Poor).  Talked about what's going on in the world with my husband.  Laughed with my husband.  Groaned over silly jokes with my husband (him over mine, me over his).  Written this blog post (my first in over 6 months), because I'm not writing in snippets.

Thoughts on Hatmaker's book - some of the things she did and wrote about, I've done.  Perhaps not for the reasons that she did.  It strikes me that she comes at this from a place of privilege, and I don't begrudge her that.  I applaud that she realized that she was being called to this.  Please understand that.  But I grew up below the poverty level, and she spent the last days of her experiment on her parents' 300+ acre ranch.  So yeah, we don't all have the ability to hang out on Mom & Dad's ranch. I've done the October Dress Project 2 years now, and given away excess clothing...twice...and yes, have purchased more, and also have more to give away.  I don't think I'll ever get to 7 items (not counting underwear, as she said) - or be like the character in Not a Fan who gave up all his clothing except a few items.  But I am conscious of what I wear and what I buy.  I shop at thrift stores because it was instilled in me early that I'm not too good to have another person's cast-off clothes (I was, after all, the youngest of 4, with 2 older sisters) or other belongings.  For Pete's sake (who is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?), I see my grandchildren once or twice a year, and am not going to spend ridiculous amounts of money on toys they will outgrow before they play with it ten times.  My "fine china"?  The 50 cents a piece with a $5 purchase at Foodtown (mind you, Hal has purchased some of the serving pieces, which were NOT 50 cents a piece).   As for food, Hal and I garden and can, make real homemade soup, bake, etc.  I know that I have things that have too many items with the wrong (read: chemical) ingredients in them; we're trying to phase those items out.  Could I live with only 7 food items for a month?  Probably.  But I won't.  I could go on and on about the other chapters...but I won't do that, either (at least not in this blog post - perhaps in a later post).  Here's the thing.  I would rather make lifestyle choices that stick, rather than do without something for a short period of time, knowing that I will be able to go right back to where I was.  If a month of something gives one the ability to go somewhere in the middle, that's great for them.  But it's not for me.  I've tried that.  Depriving myself, makes me want things more.  So, my mutiny against excess has been, and will continue to be, the other way - looking at what I have, what I use, and what I can do without, and giving those items away.  Looking at the things I'm putting in my shopping cart, and putting them back on the shelf because I really don't need them, regardless of how inexpensive or attractive they may be.  Using my funds to support companies, ministries, and people that work towards what I work towards, and not giving my funds to those that work against what I work towards. 

Overall, would I recommend Hatmaker's book?  Yes, if you want to see how one family dealt with living with less, and living more intentionally.  I would also recommend Kyle Idleman's Not a Fan. 

And yes, I'm posting this to my Facebook page.  But comment here, because I'm not reading comments on FB.

Stories for Another Day, part ? - My Great-grandfather, the Scoundrel

So...I don't remember if today's "Story for Another Day" is part 1 or 2.  But it comes from my Memorial Day post from 2010, so long overdue.

My great-grandfather John Salter came from Liverpool.  We don't know much about his life in England, except that he served in the military.  We also know that he had a wife, and, from what we understand, children.  We know that he and his brother came to the US in the late 1800's to find their way in this fledgling country.  We know nothing about his brother after that point.  We know that our great-grandfather went back to Liverpool, as he had found a place to settle.  He went back to bring his wife and family here.  From our understanding, she wanted nothing to do with coming here. 

So my great-grandfather stayed in Liverpool with his wife and children and lived happily ever after left his family, came back to this country, married my great-grandmother, had 7 more children that we know of.  Four grew to old age - my grandfather, John Kenneth Salter, his brother, Warren, and sisters Ruth and Ena (who we always knew as Auntie).  Three children did not live past early childhood.  Louis and Earl died fairly young.  My grandfather was born a twin; his twin sister was stillborn, and my grandfather weighed less than 3 pounds - in 1896 - before neonatal units.  Always wondered what a female version of my grandfather would have looked like.  Always marveled at how close I came to not being here - if my grandfather had been stillborn, or if he, like two of his brothers, had not survived infancy...

But I digress.  I am the great-granddaughter of a rogue and scoundrel.  There.  I said it.

Memorial Day, Part II

Text (for the most part) from my message at the Meyersdale Memorial Day Service.  Much, but not all, of this, is from a previous blog post.  The part about Willowdale Cemetery is newly added, as the visit occurred on May 24, 2013.  Photos of the monument of which I spoke are posted to my facebook account (as well as other photos from the cemetery).

I never met my great-grandfather Salter. He was from Liverpool, and served in the Royal Army, we know in India and perhaps in Afghanistan as well. He is buried in Old Tennent Cemetery, in New Jersey. And every year, the Boy Scouts put a flag (of the US, not the UK) on his grave on Memorial Day weekend. There are flags at the grave of his son, who served in the US Army in France during WWI, at that of his granddaughter's husband , my dad, who served the US Navy in the Pacific in WWII, and at that of a great-great grandfather, who served in the US Civil War, along with countless other graves of those who served, in numerous conflicts as well as during peacetime, at that and countless other cemeteries around this country and around the world. Some, like my ancestors, who came home, lived their lives, raised families, and grew old. Some, like my cousin Johnny, who came home, tortured by their injuries or memories, unable to love themselves  or forgive themselves or others until they were taken home by God. Some, like the young man whose eternal resting place lays in Old Tennent Cemetery, who did not come home alive; his headstone tells a simple story: his name, dates of birth and death, and three words: "Died in France." I never knew him or his family members, yet I visit his grave every time I go home.

This past Friday I visited Willowdale Cemetery in Goldsboro, NC, to pay respects at the grave of my sister’s brother-in-law.  Now Goldsboro was occupied by the Army of the North, led by General William Tecumseh Sherman.  And so, while at Willowdale, we got out at the site of a memorial to the Confederate dead.  800 soldiers, 200 of them known only to God, are laid to rest in a mass grave. 

Surrounding the burial mound are walls engraved with the names and units of the 600 who are known.

And on one side of the monument, you will read: 

On fame’s eternal camping ground

Their silent tents are spread

 And Glory guards with solemn round

The bivouac of the dead

Memorial Day weekend is not the unofficial start of summer, or an extra day off from work, or a day of beach or park or picnic, or a day to snag some really good bargains at the mall. Let us remember that Memorial Day - Remembrance Day - is a day to remember those who served our nation. I'm not saying don't have fun. But as you go about the rest of your weekend, remember those who made it possible for us to celebrate our freedom. Remember those who came before. Remember those who are mourning those that they lost.  Let us remember that those who lost all to give us our freedoms, are now guarded by the angels, are now resting in the peace that many of them were unable to achieve here on earth.  Let us honor them with our lives.

Out of Whack

So...I went to the chiropractor yesterday.  Made the appointment Monday.  I've had some pain in my arm.  Lived with it for a while, thought it would go away.  You know, like you do.  And yeah, I've LIVED with it, lived with it.  You know.  Moved furniture.  Carried groceries and books.  Took the tubs of Christmas decorations to the basement.  Then realized that I had not seen particular decorations so MOVED THE TUBS to find what I was looking for, and restacked them.  Over my head.  Lugged laundry up and down the stairs.  LAID ON IT TO SLEEP TRY TO SLEEP.  Picked up little kids at church and playgroup.   Pulled my hair back with one hand while putting clip/band/barrette in with other hand. Reached behind myself to fasten bra Fastened bra in front and turned it the right way.  You know.  LIVED with it.

I let out a yell when he popped it back in.  One Hal heard in the waiting room.  Dude told me to count to 4 - I didn't even get to 2.  Yeah, he's a wise doctor.  If only I had been wise enough to go sooner.

We live with pain a lot, don't we?  Staying in bad relationships because we're used to them, and have been living with the hurt so long we are afraid to let it go - better to feel pain than feel nothing, one friend told me.  Is that really better?  Staying in a job we hate, because someone, somewhere along the way told us that what we loved, what we wanted to do with our lives, was a waste, was not a way to support ourselves, let alone a family (because, after all, we had to go out and start with the McMansion, the new vehicles, designer clothes, we couldn't live in a small apartment or buy anything used).  Do those "things" make us as happy as the dreams we once had, using the talents we have instead of conforming to the demands of others?   Alcohol or drugs or sex with people we barely know because we want to numb ourselves to the pain of being alone, or the pain of being with the people/in the jobs that are slowly killing our spirits - until the high wears off.

There is a God-shaped void in our hearts, that we try to fill with anything but God.  Been there, done that, have the tee-shirt, the sweatshirt, and the commemorative mug.  It's part of our being human.  We can do it ourselves.  We can make ourselves feel better.  Except that we can't.  It's not an "us"-shaped void.  God has given us the capacity to choose Him, or to not choose Him.  He's not going to force himself on us.  But the next time you're out of sorts, the next time you look in the mirror and realize something's not right - like, hey, my right shoulder 1 1/2" out and 1 1/2" lower than my left - stop being comfortable with your pain.  Stop trying to work through it yourself.  Turn to the Great Physician, and let Him pop back in what's out of whack in your life.

Thinking Inside the Box

I love my niece EC.  But I'm ready to clobber her.  Why, you ask? (or maybe you don't, I'm going to tell you anyway)

When we were visiting earlier this month, she showed me a game app she had downloaded onto her tablet.  I won't say the name.  I will only refer to it as "that evil game" or TEG for short.

So, I got home and downloaded TEG.  And have been playing it.  And will probably delete it after I finish this post.

Now, the game in and of itself is not inherently evil.  Really, noTHING in this world is.  Although things are used for evil.  And some just separate us from God because of the time/talent/treasure they consume.  And that's the thing with TEG.  It's challenging.  Not challenging as in how to make the money earned for the month stretch to pay all the bills, or how to transport children to the myriad of activities they are involved in.  It's a mind challenge time suck.

The object of the game is straightforward enough.  There are sets of paired dots, of different colors, on grids of various sizes.  The player needs to connect those dots.  Sound easy enough?  One cannot cross the path of another dot pair, and one must completely fill in the grid.  Still sound easy?  Think again.

See, it is intuitive to make the connection in the shortest possible way.  And sometimes that is the solution.  But many times, the shortest way between one pair, blocks the way for another pair.  So, the player has to go around the grid - sometimes all the way around, as opposed to going one block across.  Sometimes, the player connects all the dots - and half the grid is still empty.  Sometimes, only one block is empty.

Isn't life like that?  We're told to think outside the box - but sometimes we need to think through what is right in front of us.  Sometimes we need to realize that the intuitive "easy" answers won't work for one reason or another.  Maybe what looks clear, will block someone else's ability  - to do their job or have their fun, or whatever - one's shortcut may leave another unable to properly function.  Maybe we'll cross paths with another - and while that may work on occasion, crossing paths can, as in this game, cut off another's path.  You see, sometimes we need to look at the whole picture.  Sometimes, we have to forgo the easy path, in order to facilitate ALL that needs to be done.  Sometimes, we need to go a convoluted path, in order to make sure everything gets done - even if another could cover it, we need to make sure it's covered if they slack off.  Sometimes, we need another's eyes (read:  accept criticism and direction from others).  Sometimes, we just need to turn the game off, and walk away before we throw it across the room in frustration make ourselves nuts because we're overthinking it.  Sometimes we just need to walk away because it's taking too much of our time/talent/treasure sucking the life out of us.

So...I'm not going to play TEG anymore.  Yeah, I'll probably still play games.  But this one?  It's making me nuts.  So, as much as I love you, EC, please don't show me any more games.  Because I have no little self-control when it comes to computer games.

Enough is a Feast: Lessons from The October Dress Project

I did it.  I went one month wearing, as a basic element, one dress.  I changed it up every day, but some days looked a lot like other days.  So, I know what I'm comfortable in.  I know what I like.  And it's not just jeans and sweats anymore.

I like wearing a dress.  More than I thought I would.  And, I like tights and leggings.  Not real thrilled with dress shoes - and yeah, those $1 clearance shoes - I'll have to give them another chance, but they may go away.

But here's the more important lesson:  I have enough more than enough.  Which is why I have, on first go-round, purged 50 articles of clothing, and taken them to Goodwill.  And these were my winter clothes (because, living in the north, I am not going to take my summer clothes to Goodwill in the winter).  And I have more to purge.

This is also why, when I went shopping a few weeks ago, and picked up that little pie cookbook (yes, all pies) that was ONLY $1 - I put it back in the bin.  Because I have a shelving unit FULL of cookbooks and recipes I've clipped from magazines and index cards full of recipes...well you get the idea.  I have all kinds of cookbooks and I still cook the same stuff all the time Hal still does most of the cooking.  Having said that, I did take lessons from the best piecrust maker in the universe last month when we were making apple dumplings at the church, so I think I can stop buying ready-made piecrusts.  I think.  But I HAVE a CRAPLOAD of pie filling recipes - I did not need ANOTHER cookbook - even though it was ONLY $1! 

I've gone to the thrift stores lately - and looked - and walked out.  Same thing at non-thrift stores.  Ok, so I've bought some stuff - but mostly walked out.  Bought some wire to repair a necklace.  There is one thing I'm looking for - a black blazer to replace one that does not fit any longer.  But I'm fussy.  It needs to be the right material, the right cut - so, it may be another year before I find one - but it will be one that will stay in my wardrobe - a basic.  I've seen really pretty sweaters - but how many blue sweaters do I need (for the record, I have 4)?  How many green turtlenecks (for the record, I have 3)?  You get the idea.  I have some really pretty skirts...that hang in my closet.  I went through, and there are articles of clothing I have not worn since I left South Carolina more than 4 years ago.  Why have I paid to move them twice???  I have no clue. 

I had a friend who recently said they'd rather die in deep debt than live within their means if it meant their life was "a life of sad leftovers and never going out or doing anything fun.  You only have one life."  Wow.  I think that attitude is sadder than my turkey pot pie from my upcoming Thanksgiving dinner.  Frankly, I'm looking forward to pot pie with my newfound piecrust recipe.  I can (that is, I put food in mason jars and preserve them, not that I am able - although I am able as well).  I freeze.  I am going to get my hunting license this year.  I have as much fun taking a walk on the trail as spending money on tickets to events.  I am thinking particularly of the ad where the girl breaks up with a guy because he's boring - so he uses his credit card to go backstage at some concert, goes on some expensive trip - he's probably still boring, just spending more money (that he probably doesn't have).   When my grandchildren come to visit, we blow bubbles and go to the playground (free) and make playdough (yes, make it), and color and go to the library and Sunday School and playgroup and cook - we don't buy them lots of expensive presents - most of the toys and games I have at the house came from the thrift store (I love bleach). 

I had another friend tell me the other day that they were a little concerned about my coming here - til they found out that I love yard sales and thrift stores.  I get that.  Where I live is not somewhere I'd survive if I was a woman who shopped at Saks, changed out my wardrobe every season, or needed the best/newest/coolest new thing.  As I tell people - I'm too dumb for a smart phone.  I am satisfied with what I have - and when I'm not, I'm cheap - I'm as happy buying a new top at Goodwill or Salvation Army or whatever other thrift store (mind you, I will look and see what color tag is 1/2 price that day)(yeah, I'm that frugal cheap).

We are a spoiled society.  Really.  In case you didn't know.  But we need to recognize that we have become used to getting what we want, when we want it.  We have gotten away from this concept that my parents and grandparents embraced, out of necessity at times: use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.  We decry the plight of those who do not live as well as we do, while we buy, buy, buy to fill the emptiness in our own lives.  Or we pile stress on ourselves by buying more than we need, more than we consume, more than we can ever use, more than we can pay for without paying exorbitant interest rates.  I'm not saying that we should not prepare for the future.  I'm not saying we should not ever have extra food in our homes or that we should not have more than one outfit or pair of shoes. 

I am saying this:  as we who are Christian approach Advent - let us reconsider our "lists" of stuff to do, things to buy, places we "have" to go.  Let us look at what we have.  Let us be satisfied.  Let us look at those who have little.  Let us see how we can help.  Because Enough is a Feast.  And that feast is not to be hoarded, but shared.  And for those of my readers who are not Christian, while you may not be approaching Advent, please consider the same. 

October Dress Project, Part II

So - now that I'm a week into the October Dress Project, here are some of my thoughts.

First - yeah, the point was to simplify, and I've gone and bought some more stuff (oh, yeah, I forgot in my last post, I bought a third pair of shoes - on clearance for $1 at Gabriel Brothers).  Having said that - some of it is stuff I needed to replace, some of it is stuff I should have added to my wardrobe years ago.  And I think that, until my sneakers blow out, I'm done with buying clothes for a long time.

And here's the thing - I am much more comfortable in a dress every day than I thought I would be.  Granted, I love my jeans, tees, and sweats (and when I'm not in the dress - like now - I'm in my sweats).  But you know what?  I really like being in a dress.  It makes me feel more like doing something.  Like going somewhere.  Like putting on jewelry (don't worry, hon, that does not mean you need to buy me more jewelry - I have plenty).  Still resisting the idea of makeup.

It has cut down on my laundry.  My initial intention was the dress and one pair of sweats all month, but that went out the window when I gave the cats a bath, because I needed to change out of wet jammies and the dress was in the wash.

"The Dress" - yeah, the first night I laid in bed and thought, "Oh, crap, I have to wear THE DRESS again tomorrow" - and it was just the first day.  But then I thought of all the different things I can do with it.  And planned for the next day.

Then I realized, days 4 & 5 were very similar - not planned, but that's how it went.  Oh well.  I'm new to this.  It'll get better...or not.  Remember, I'm used to jeans and a top every day.

I have thoroughly enjoyed going to the ODP Facebook page and seeing the creativity in the other participants' choices.  They've given me some great ideas, and inspiration.

I've not made a big deal about this - there are some people at church who know, and anyone who follows me on Facebook.  As the month goes on, more people will be brought up to speed on what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

So there you have it.  Simplification is complicated.  But it's fun.  And we'll see if I think the same next week!