Fear Not, part 2

Stepping out into the unknown - about to do it again, just not on a viaduct this time.

As I type this, there are a dozen other things I should be doing.  In particular, I should be finishing the papers I need to have done by Sunday afternoon.  Yes, papers.  Or at least finish the other books I still need to read by then.  Yes, also plural.  But here I am, talking to you.

On Monday morning I begin an adventure.  After almost 15 years out of the academic world, with the exception of some conferences and a couple of online classes, I am beginning studies for my Doctor of Ministry degree.  And yes, I've already had my "I can't do this, I'm out of my element, who am I kidding" meltdown.  And I feel better.  Because, let's face it, we all melt down on occasion.  Either internally or externally.

And I'm excited.  What I have read so far, is good, solid theology.  I have already used it in ministry, and will be able to continue to use it.  It's the writing of academic papers that has me stymied, but even that will come.  The first is done (as in re-read, edited, and tweaked), the others are being worked on as I go.  And yeah, I know, I don't have much more time.  But they'll get done.  I have always been a "last-minute" person.  I thrive on the thrill of the deadline, even as it makes me freak out.

I have the support of the church and the church council, which was the most important thing to me.  Had they not been receptive of this, I would not have attempted it.  I do wish that Hal were still here as I go through this.  I miss the theological conversations that we had, even though at times his intensity was too much for me. 

One of my church Elders, when I said I was excited and terrified, raised an eyebrow, and reminded me that the Bible says not to be afraid.  And he's right.  So I'm no longer terrified.  As I step onto this proverbial viaduct, I am no longer afraid.