The October Dress Project, Take 3

"The motto of the ODP is "anti-consumerism, pro-simplicity, anti-conformity, pro-creativity." How do you think ODP affected your thinking in these areas this year? The way you spend your money or think about your wants vs needs. The brain space and physical space you devote to what you wear and how you look. The way the fashion and beauty industry, peer pressure, or criticism and other's attention shapes your clothing choices. The ways you can express joy, beauty, values, or feelings through what you wear. All these different things and more can be affected by simply wearing the same thing for thirty-one days straight-- so how did it affect you?"

This was the question posted by Avery at the end of this year's ODP.  This was the third of the last four years that I participated in this activity.  One dress, thirty-one days.  Although for me this year it was one dress, twenty-seven days (two days that I stayed in jammies, and the last two days of the month when I was told by my doctor that I probably have a torn rotator cuff and I decided that it was probably not a good idea to continue to pull a dress over my head twice a day).  Here are my thoughts, not in any particular order.

The fashion and beauty industry have almost never shaped my clothing choices.  Except for a brief fling with parachute pants (it was the 80's, people, I could not help myself), I have rarely bought into the latest trends.  Perhaps that stems from having been the youngest of 3 girls and getting some hand-me-downs from sisters, neighbors, and older cousins, there was not a lot of choice for me in clothing.  If it was on sale and I absolutely needed it, I got it.

While I didn't, even as a young child, get into fashion, I had - and still have - a sense of what I like and what I don't like.  I still remember getting a sweater for Christmas one year, from an aunt and uncle now departed, that I thought was too childish for me.  It was too big, so we put it up for the next winter - by which time it was too small.  That did not break my heart - but I broke my mother's that Christmas day because I went behind a chair (I didn't want to cry in front of all those people at my disappointment in the sweater) and would not thank them.  I think more than my personal likes, though, that I was afraid I would be mocked at school for it; even though the size was too big, the image on it, to me, was far too "small."  This fear of criticism may have come from the teasing I had already gotten for wearing things that were out of style - whatever that meant to a 3rd-grader.  Peer pressure sucks.

Then I grew up.  Well, to a point ;) And my brother got a girlfriend.  Jane looked at me one day and said, "Fashion is for those who dare to be different."  And she's right.  Not that I haven't ever bought into someone else's idea of fashion to some extent (see former note on parachute pants).  I learned to take what I liked, and make it work for me, not worrying about what others thought about my combinations.  There have been times that I have had restrictions according to where I have worked, but I have kept my sense of who I am within the clothing that I am required to/restricted from wearing.

Part of the time now I wear a "uniform" - as a pastor, at times I wear a clerical shirt with appropriately styled slacks, skirts, or jumpers.  My shirts, my robes, and my stoles are purchased new(except for the cross-stitched stoles that I found at a thrift store), of good quality.  So, a lot of times, people will see me wearing the same things multiple times, even outside of October.  I like the simplicity of knowing what I will be wearing certain days.  When I don't have to think about it, it makes my morning a lot less frantic. 

When not in uniform, I am still mindful of the appearance I present, as I represent not only myself but also my church - living in a small town, EVERYONE knows who I am and what I do. Having said that, the second piece of wisdom I got about dressing was from a former seminary professor.  Asked by a group of female students what advice she could give us, Beth paused, thought, and said, "Always own at least one dress that your congregation would be shocked to see you in."  And I do.  I am, after all, a woman, was one before I became a pastor, and will be one after I retire (if I live that long) (not that I'm being morose, but none of us know when we'll come to the end of our life).  And, frankly, my husband likes to see me dress up.

Honestly, I don't know that anyone would have noticed I was wearing the same dress if I hadn't talked about it.  Which makes me wonder why so many people buy into the fashion industry.  Do any of us really pay attention to what anyone else wears?  I have gotten to a point where I look at my wardrobe much more critically, and doing the October Dress Project three times has helped in doing that.  I am much more likely to spend less time shopping buying than I used to.  I still like to look at clothes - but at yard sales and thrift shops.  And I'm more likely to donate as I'm buying - replacing instead of adding to wardrobe.  I have been buying fewer things of better quality, even at thrift stores.   When an item has worn out (save for crafting) or been outgrown (no, no, shrunk in the laundry, yeah, yeah, that's it)(donate!), I replace it - I generally don't buy something for the sake of buying it.  Except that I have been buying button-down shirts and cardigans instead of pullovers...but that's an age thing.

The biggest thing that I've gotten out of my three years of doing ODP is the sharing of creativity among participants.  I was never big on accessories, but I now own a number of scarves, belts, and jewelry that I have become fond of.  Again, mostly thrifted.  Looking at others' photos, I have become more likely to see different things that I can do that I had never considered before.

To sum up - I've always been anti-consumerism (perhaps because I've never had a lot of money with which to consume); pro-simplicity is growing on me; Marie anti-conformity is my middle name; and, through the community of ODP I have become more creative with my wardrobe choices.  Will I do this again?  Probably - with a button-down dress.  I will be paring my wardrobe down again, though, as I keep looking at things I have only worn once or twice in the last year.  Time to clear my space again, although more to simplify my options than to refill the space.  I am thankful for this community of women who share with and encourage each other.

Sacrificial Rams

Last night in our study/service, we watched the second session of The Story, which dealt with Abram/Abraham and Sarai/Sarah.  In the course of the video and discussion following, I realized something that I had never realized before.

In Genesis 22, Abraham is told, "...take your son, your only son, Isaac..." and go to Mt Moriah and offer him as a burnt offering to God. 

Wait, what? Isaac was NOT Abraham's only son.  Oh, yes, he was Abraham's only son with Sarah...but he had another son.  A firstborn son.  With Hagar.  Remember Ishmael?  You know, the one that was born AFTER Sarai gave her servant Hagar to Abram?  You know, Hagar, the one who Sarai then dealt harshly with after Ishmael was conceived?  Who left, then went back, and then was sent away with her child?  You know, Ishmael, who got the bulk of the inheritance circumcised at 13 (ouch!) and then after being sent away was laying under a bush in the wilderness where his mother put him to die, until God showed her more water so they didn't die in the wilderness?

It didn't please Abraham to put Ishmael out.  God told him to do what Sarah said (happy wife, happy life to the extreme???).

So here we are, back to Mt Moriah and the almost-burnt-offering of Isaac.  Abraham is told to take his only son to the mountain. Those of us who know the story, know that THE ANGEL OF THE LORD showed Abraham a ram caught in the bush AS HE HAD HIS HANDS IN THE AIR ABOUT TO BRING THE KNIFE DOWN AND KILL HIS SON.  So he didn't have to sacrifice his son.

But Abraham had, in effect, already sacrificed his first son, Ishmael - to the elements, to the kindness of strangers.

What do we deny because it's convenient for us?  You KNOW that Abraham could have kept Hagar and Ishmael around, but Sarah would have made his life miserable (yes, more miserable than  being circumcised at the age of 99).  What do we do wrong, then make others suffer the consequences of our choices? Sarai did not have to give Hagar to Abram - but when Hagar got pregnant, Sarai didn't want her around - even though it was HER FAULT (yes, yes, Abram could have said no - but then there's that whole saying no to Sarai/Sarah thing).

We are not asked to take our children to the mountain to give them up as burnt offering.  But there are things we are called to sacrifice.  Are we as willing to give up what we love, what we cherish, as we are willing to give up the things that are inconvenient?

New Normals

So remember that time I fell down back in June?  No?  Well, I do.  When last I wrote typed I had just gotten a splint - and a bad haircut. 

Splint didn't work.  Cortisone shot didn't work.  Third haircut did work. ;)  End of Oct, after almost 3 months in a brace, I had surgery on my wrist to cut the sheath around the tendon to the thumb.

Not going to go into all the gory details.  Let's just say that the brace has been off for 2 weeks and I'm starting to get my hand back...I think.  I don't know.  I've never had this kind of surgery before.  I've never had my hand and wrist immobilized for four and a half months before.  So I can't close my hand into a fist yet - and I can't squeeze a stress ball much (although I'm doing better than the first day that I tried) - and I can't really cut my meat yet - but I can butter bread and put cheesespread on a cracker.  My hand and the knuckles on all my fingers are swollen.  I can't carry a laundry basket upstairs, but I can use my good hand to drag it done, and can use both hands to handle the clothes.  I can fold clothes, and turn a doorknob. Hal had to put up our Christmas trees (yes, that's plural) and take boxes up and down the stairs, and a friend helped me decorate. 

What I'm saying is this:  if you know me at all, you know I'm not a patient person.  Ok, that may be an understatement.  I want "normal" - and I want it NOW YESTERDAY!  I am, though, learning to accept small advances instead of trying to force normal. 

That's so hard to do, isn't it?  We want to force things to be the way we want them to be - the way we are used to them being.  Sometimes we try so hard to do things that we don't allow healing.  Whether physical or emotional, we need to allow time to heal wounds before we move on to the new.

I lost my uncle yesterday.  Two of the people in our church lost family members on Christmas Eve, and a friend lost her grandmother on Christmas Day.  Just as my hand needs time to heal, so do my family and friends.  We think we'll not ever be normal again, that things we did with those loved ones will never be the same.  And we're right - things won't be the same.  But normal will come again.

My hand may never be the same, but as time goes I'll be able to do normal things - either with it, or I'll learn to use my left hand. 

Our lives are never the same after the loss of a loved one, but life will become "normal" again.  It must.  It will be a "new normal" - a different normal - that is, we will still feel the loss, but the memories will live on.  Rest in peace, Uncle Bruce; Rest in peace, David and Jon; Rest in peace, Wilma.  We will miss you, and we will see you again someday.