Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

"Change of Life" - more like "Total Disruption of All Things Normal". I love menopause. No, not really. But I figure if I say it, I might start to believe it. Like the Natalie Wood character of Susan in Miracle on 34th Street, when she's riding in the back of the car on the way home from the party and keeps saying, "I believe, I believe, it's silly but I believe".

My first hot flash, we were in Nebraska. It was 20 below with a windchill colder than that. We were in a rental that was not by any stretch of the imagination sealed against the weather. Now, understand - I usually have 3 blankets on my side of the bed, and Hal sleeps outside of the covers. I woke up REALLY hot. So, I rationally thought that Hal must be DYING if I was that hot. So, loving wife that I am, I threw ALL of the covers off the bed. Not off my side onto his. Off the bed. Totally. Onto my side of the floor. And my poor husband woke up wondering when we moved to the Arctic Circle. As he would continue the story, he realized that there was a burning ember in the bed, so he just curled up next to me and kept warm.

Hot flashes, lack of concentration, insomnia, irritability, erratic cycles - you name it, I've got it. The hot flashes bother me the least, I think. The irritability is Hal's biggest problem - of course because he sees it the most. The insomnia is killing me - not even "p.m. strength" acetaminophen helps. And I've tried prescription sleep aids in the past that have not helped (except to give me weird dreams, and I have enough problems with my dreams...but that's a story for another day).

But last night, yeah, last night I think was my moment. I told Hal that I was going to stay on the couch all night - I wasn't feeling well, and I didn't want to bother him with my up and down all night. So I told him that I was staying downstairs - you know, because of my amnesia. He looked at me kinda funny - and I realized what I had said. So I said - "Yeah, amnesia. Because I forgot it's insomnia that I have, ok???"

And there you have it. So if you see me somewhere, and I'm acting strange - I'm not acting. I'm just changing.